The Empire Strikes First - Epitaph 2004

7 / 10

How on Earth do you get this far into your career without harboring ANY desire to try something new? Christ, even the Ramones showed more stylistic growth over the long run than these guys. And this is a shame, because there were some moments on Generator, Recipe For Hate and Stranger Than Fiction when it really seemed like they were developing into a great and creative hard rock/hardcore hybrid. But this is just a throwaway. I mean, they've already written every single one of these songs. So have many, many punk rock bands. Hundreds and hundreds of times. Basic, predictable chord sequences -- the tempo alternates between high-speed and midtempo, but the music is ALWAYS basic and usually predictable. There are a few nice surprises -- the alt-rock album intro, the soaring lead guitar line in "Let Them Eat War," the title track's harmonics-driven melody, the Beatle-pop of "Los Angeles Is Burning," the confusing chord-drum-timing shift during the chorus of "All There Is" -- but most of it is just the same old Bad Religion story. The "Aaaaah" background vocals, the political lyrics and most upsettingly, as I said, the nothing riffs. These chord sequences should have been retired twenty years ago, when they'd all already been used in about 100 different hardcore songs.

As for the highly-touted anti-War On Terror lyrics -- the words are too small and they have nothing to say that a 15-year-old with a newspaper couldn't say more intelligently. And honestly, the majority of the lyrics are just anti-religious, a "brave" stance that they already established when they named themselves "Bad Religion" 20 fucking years ago.

If you only recently became a punk rock fan, you'll probably like the fast songs on here and hate the slow ones. If you like pop-punk, you'll probably like the slow ones and hate the fast ones. But if you've been following Bad Religion for a long time, you'll most likely come out of it feeling the same way I do: "Well, I like Bad Religion... and this sounds like Bad Religion... And none of the songs are bad, per se.... CHRIST! THEY'RE USING THIS CHORD SEQUENCE AGAIN!?!?!??!"

Also, they let a guest rapper "rap" on one of the songs. Because rap is "real." The song was just sugar-coated Hollywood entertainment until the rapper came in and brought it down "to the streets" with his "lack of vocal melody."

God, I'm coming across a lot more bitter in this review than I actually feel. I think I'm just all worded out from reviewing 9 "zine" CDs right before this one. But let's check in and see how I'm doing. I'm again feeling like I have no free time. Then when I finally get some, I waste it on ebay. My OCD is back, but I've upped my dosage of whatever the hell I'm taking for it now, so hopefully that will help. My wife's been out of town all week. I'm working three days a week, and busy as poop with freelance work and ebay sales the other two days. I'm not falling apart, by any means. I'm very happy to be alive and (as far as I know) healthy. And OCD is one of those come-and-go things. The real problem is probably my complete lack of self-esteem. But how does one develop self-esteem? I'm not gonna go around pretending I have any reason to be an arrogant assgrab! Hmm. Questions, questions. The brain is an interesting organ. Do you ever notice how closely your reaction to a given situation is related to what the chemicals in your head are doing at that particular moment? It's so easy to act like an asshole because of what your brain is doing at a particular moment -- then 30 minutes later, when you're in a calmer state of mind, you look back and go, "Why did I do that? I'll never do that again!" Then you end up doing it again the next day because you have a headache or you're tired or too caffeinated or something. These are just little decisions -- like "If someone says something rude to me on the street, do I ignore them, laugh at them, apologize to them or cuss at them?" I can sit in this chair right now and proudly declare, "I'll take the high road and ignore them!" But put in the actual situation, if I'm already stressed about having no free time, or feeling guilty about eating pizza too much, or angry because of all the assholes honking their horns -- and then some stupid old bag is rude to me completely out of the blue, it's going to take every ounce of willpower to refrain from strangling her with my dog leash. So is the answer to just "go with the flow" and stop feeling guilty about every decision I make? I don't know. I'd obviously hate to make the wrong decision and end up in the emergency ward after cussing out some football player or gang member or something. But do I really want cancerous old bags getting away with rude comments about my dog? Shouldn't they PAY for being conscienceless old fucks? Ah, the gentle brain of life. What is it doing? Where is it going? And how can it get George Bush out of office?

- Mark Prindle