Over the years quite a few Bad Religion song parodies have been written by fans on this site and the BRML. Hopefully we managed to capture them all here.
A Walk - A Piss (by Warstub)
I'm going for a piss,
Not the in-the-toilet kind,
I'm gonna use a hedge
Might even paint road signs
And who the hell are you to tell me what to do?
You can't even clean public toilets donated to you.
There's crackheads round the back, and dealers behind the doors,
And I have no grand ideas of trying to traverse the floors.
I'm gonna piss a stream
Right here in the street,
All my friends will cheer me on,
As we grab fast food to eat.
And I don't need to be aware of everything I do,
You can't even relieve yourself in your own loo.
Your toilet seat's a mess, piss decorates the walls,
And you expect me to relieve myself in this shit-filled tiny stall?
So I'm going for a piss...
And I know you're criticising what I do,
Call me threat to your children, call me socially unglued,
Call me a curse of insanity, unable to refrain,
Call me lazy, bane, and filthy,
Call me monstrous reprobate.
I'm going for a piss
You can forget the public loos,
'cuz I don't have to risk life too
So I'm going for a piss.
Ad Hominem - Ham Omelette (by frod79)
Drop tons butter in a frying pan, try something healthier spray on some PAM
I've got a craving for a breakfast treat, maybe I'll slice and fry up some SPAM
But, it's a long way to iHOP and the buffet ends at Eleven AM
And since I don't have the money, I'll need an ATM
HAM OMELETTE is good with OJ toast and jam
Ham Omelette is good with OJ toast and jam
See all the suckers at the buffet line, feeding their face for the 2nd or 3rd time
Waiting for an endless tray of meat ..including bacon, sausage, scrapple and ham
Well I'm no Dietitian, and I don't have a PhD
But if you don't load up on salad you'll be bloated and obese
HAM OMELETTE is good with OJ toast and jam
Ham Omelette is good with OJ toast and jam
Just a soft-boiled egg white from a much harder shell
A cup of plain yogurt with some fresh fruit that's on sale
Is it possible to divide
Your ideas & beliefs, ideas & beliefs, ideas & beliefs
From the diet fads you have tried?!
HAM OMELETTE is good with OJ toast and jam
Ham Omelette is good with OJ toast and jam
Along The Way - The Long Buffet (by darkjon64)
Whether skewed, brewed or stewed
Any kind, brand of food,
Is it there, you'll find anything within the long buffet.
As we go past the dough,
We'll find steak and sloppy Joes,
So for dinner, no more waiting at the table, long buffet, yeah.
Do you see, corn and peas,
Rice and English breakfast tea,
But you'll have all you wanted when you end the long buffet.
And we'll try Mile High Pie
And some chow mein or stiry fry,
Line is long, but it's worth it when you taste the long buffet, yeah.
Now we load up Jello
Chicken breast and turtle-toe
We'll get plates and chocolate cakes and walk along the long buffet.
Don't forget, you'll regret,
Reserve on the internet
Unless you're waiting to be seated at the super-long buffet.
Your tummy, will agree,
That you'll need pepcid A.C.,
And then we'll see each next time you visit the long buffet...
American Jesus - American Cheeses (by darkjon64)
I don't need to be a health nutritionist
'Cause I found a way to eat real great
I'm member of the Safeway discount club
Purchase dairy products on aisle 8
There are cheeses in all shapes and sizes and
There are cheeses from every town
Now here's a snack that makes a real fine sandwich
On white, rye, wheat, or brown
We've got the American cheeses
See them in the deli case
We've got the American cheeses
All of them taste really really great
I feel hungry for some fresh Queso Blanco
'Cuz so few appreciate the taste.
At least the foreigners can make some good Havarti
But they can't compete with Monterey
Only Colby Jack can get to be expensive but
It is worth it when you have one bite
We've got a sample tray you can try
And the garbage can's right over there
We've got the American Cheeses
Mozzarella, Monterey
We've got the American Cheeses
All of them taste really really great
Asiago, blue and brick (We got)
Cheddar and Colby Jack (We lots)
Cottage cheese and farmer cheese and Gorgonzola (We got your Parmesan)
Havarti, Kasseri, (Try me)
Fontina and Edam (For free)
Parmesan, Pepato, Swiss and Queso Blanco (Product found in aisle three)
There's Scamorza, Teleme (Orange)
Camembert and Colby (One tinge)
Provolone and Muenster and Port du Salu (We'll take your special orders)
Mozzarella, Mascarpone (Old cheese)
Ricotta, Rimano (New cheese)
And I'm fearful that we left out three (We are the champions!)
We've got the American cheeses
Mozzarella, Monterey
We've got the American cheeses
All of them taste really really great
We've got the American cheeses
Mozzarella, Monterey
We've got the American cheeses
All of them taste really really great
Yeah!
Mozzarella... Parmesan...
American Jesus - Canadian Jesus (by frod79)
I am not from Buffalo or Binghamton, That is in the USA, you see
I am from a land whose pride is bottomless, Justin Bieber is our deity
Newfoundland and British Columbia and, Calgary, Saskatchewan,
With CN Tower and a downtown presence, Toronto's a great town.
We've got the Canadian Jesus, let's all go see BR play
We've got the Canadian Jesus, He helped make Mike Myers films so lame.
I feel sorry for our own population because Nickelback is from here, eh?
At least the 'Mericans can tune out the douchebaggery, They play shows there but they cannot stay.
Only precious few know lead vocalist Gordon Downie, the lead singer of The Tragically Hip,
We've got a place called home to MacGuyver, Alex Trebek was born right here.
We've got the Canadian Jesus, fresh poutine in gravy bathed,
We've got the Canadian Jesus - Brodeur, Bobby Orr and Messier.
He's the Blue Jays baseball field, (In Pam) The force the Mounties wield, (We trust)
The film maker James Cameron who is making millions. (Because she's got big jugs)
The power of the Habs, (Great Towns) Fin du Monde served in a glass, (Move in)
He's the Molson and the Moosehead of the imbiber. (Home of Leslie Nielsen)
He's comedian Jim Carrey, (Fine Arts) that chick Avril Lavigne, (Good Times)
The Curling stone that's swept up by Olympic broomers. (healthcare for all mankind)
The Rush prog-rock songs, (Celine) The Expos of Montreal (Dion)
And I'm fearful that he's Wayne Gretzky. (She is our champion!)
We've got the Canadian Jesus, snowboarders and hockey skates. (We've got the Canadian Jesus)
We've got the Canadian Jesus, actor Rick Moranis, Geddy Lee
We've got the Canadian Jesus - posthc Woofsis McClane (We've got the Canadian Jesus)
We've got the Canadian Jesus, Country music star Shania Twain.
Bret Hart and.. Chris Benoit... (ad infinitum)
Anesthesia - Hannahthesia (Pulling Teeth) (by Warstub)
Everybody's talking about the dentist
Like she traumatises innocent children,
But she looks so sweet and dreamy
It just reeks of toddler treason.
I saw her right there, patting the dental chair
Like an angel on a mission
But when the local hit my face
Something numb and dumb came over me, yeah.
Hannahthesia, Pulling Teetha,
I've got a bleeding gum, here comes the needle.
I'll always love her, despite the terror
The cops will never get my dental records.
HannaaaaarrrrrrggghHHHH!!!
(took, teeth, with, me, in, a, plastic, bag)
Two bad molars so damn stubborn!
I remember her face that Autumn day
When we joked about the beautiful time to come,
And that crazy old nurse who came and broke
Our dentist-patient chemistry.
Been hanging on for dear life, to the arm rest at my side
Like a love-struck mouse wondering why the cat got my tongue
But I still love her now as she goes in for extraction.
Hannahthesia, Pulling Teetha,
I've got a bleeding gum, here come the forceps.
I'll always love her, despite the terror
The cops will never get my dental records.
HannaaaaarrrrrrggghHHHH!!!
(took, teeth, with, me, in, a, plastic, bag)
Two bad molars pulled to heaven!
Anesthesia - Vomit Pizza (by CONTEXT)
Everybody's watchin me hurling allover the delivery man.
And it looks so thick and chunky and its full of cheetos seasoniiing....
I saw the fluid projectiling out me just like a garden stream.
When you looked my way something nauseating came out as pizza.
I Vomit Pizza. I ate La Rizas. Then I drank bourbon so here comes some bigger chunks.
I spewed upon you. How did you find me?
The cops will find me passed out in the street now.
Ambulaaaannnce!
1 3 5 7 2 9 4 8
All drunk children go to heaven.
I remember your face that fateful night when I started to run to the bathroom stall.
And the crazy old man who came to my aid as I yacked allover in the hall.
I been stumblin round here lookin for more beer like the vodka In my pockets gone.
But this 4 LOKO is driving me to hospitalization.
I Vomit Pizza. I ate La Rizas. Then had some MadDog so here comes some bigger chunks.
I spewed upon you. You stood in front of me?
The cops will find me passed out in the street now.
Ambulaaaannnce!
8 2 6 4 5 = = @ # $ %
All drunk children go to heaven.
Bad Religion - Bad Religion (by RatGuy)
See Greg Graffin, a humanistic autocrat
And Jay Bentley the toughest guy in the band
Pete and Bobby are gone, they ain't comin' back
Only drummer left is Brooks Wackerman
Hey Mr. Brett, stop wasting your head
With your deadly addictions
Deadly addiction
Cuz you're...
Bad Religion, too good to hate
Their decision
To conjugate
Bad Religion, Bad Religion
Ay!
Don't you know that Greg Hetson will never quit
Making those punks go insane in the pit?
Brian Baker's solos are hard to control
I don't give a shit if you think they're too old
Listen to this chorus, from my thesaurus
We have too many guitarists
But it's our decision cuz we're
Bad Religion, too good to hate
Our decision
To conjugate
Bad Religion, too good to fake
Our convictions
And doctorate
Bad Religion
Bad Religion
Bad Religion
Believe It - Achieved It (by frod79)
(in honor of n1ckn0n3z)
(Intro)
Carbone!
Happy birthday to n00b
Show respect … to our punk rock skateboarding Long Islander
With a bleary-eyed face and a need to pee
Just hazy memories; youthful revelry
From a night of insanity
Yeah you bet he'll achieve it:
Birthday morning, already shitfaced
Hope his mom doesn't detect
That he's drunk, but just in case.. he better not heave yet
Would you ever guess N1ck's... subsistence
would consist of pizza bagels and deep fried foods that... have cheese in them
You're getting older now, dude
Don't drink too much brew, the pounds will accrue
Yeah you bet he'll achieve it
Bad hangover, tiger at his place
Party with willful neglect
On your Twen-ty First Birthday
You bet he'll achieve it...
So pass on Coke and Sprite
You turn 21 this day
Don't drink Miller Light
unless somebody pays
Sometimes cheap beer is all that's there
Who said Pabst tastes fair?...You bet he'll achieve it
*Brett solo*
Ohhh, You bet he'll achieve it
Birthday morning, already shitfaced
Hope his mom doesn't detect
That he's drunk, but just in case.. he better not heave yet!
He better not heave yet
Or he'll get it all over his face
and his liver will reject, what he drank but just in case
He better not heave yet
you bet he'll achieve it
hangover, tiger at his place
Party with willful neglect
On your Twen-ty First Birthday
You bet he'll achieve it
You bet he'll achieve it...
Beyond Electric Dreams - Beyond Electrolux Dreams (by frod79)
Wash your clothes now!
No one knows where missing socks go when you wash clothes but they're inside
it's centrifugal force, while gravity is defied
Your spinning tightie whities smelling clean now with a cap full of Tide
Your quarters in, the chamber spins, your shirts and pants confined
Scents of fresh mountains, lemons, and sun-drying rays
Beyond Electrolux Dreams of irremovable chocolate stains
Smelling like fresh mountains, free of dirt and static cling
the intermingling of mixed whites and colors
Intercepted by Clorox Bleach
Fragrance-free Detergent is a fashionable soap free of dye
A surfactant of softeners and hydrophobic complex enzymes
Or maybe an emulsifier causing stubborn stains to arise
Your quarters in, The chamber spins, your shirts and pants confined
Scents of fresh mountains, lemons, and sun-drying rays
Beyond Electrolux Dreams of irremovable chocolate stains
Smelling like fresh mountains, free of dirt and static cling
an intermingling of mixed whites and colors
Intercepted by Clorox Bleach
Here growing old in a Wash n' Clean laundromat at night
Enduring scorn, an empty box of Cheer
of a super cleaning propensity in blue scoops of sand
or a fabric softener’s speckless cleansing ability,
I'm only a customer,
A washer of washers on a spin dry cycle that’s synonymous with panic
As Starch is generously sprayed,
A folded afloral garment gazing closetward forever
Let's go where the hamper goes, separate all of our dirty clothes
There may be odors that offend your nose (on a clothespin, on a clothespin)
Let's wash all our laundry clean, and try to do the same to Charlie Sheen
Tumble Dry and then we'll reconvene (on a clothespin on a clothespin)
Blenderhead - Pantry Doors (by Warstub)
Lurking round a dark and empty pantry in the kitchen,
The food is missing and you know it's getting grim.
You have thoughts of stealing from the hunger you are feeling
And you're gonna hit the caffeine like a spectacularly desperate crim.
Hey pantry doors I have so many questions
Your bare-bone shelves are a death-this-way sign,
Regurgitate your dinner and satiate your hunger
And hope something reappears behind your pantry doors.
Tally up the herbs and spices lets pretend they have nutrients,
Each shake of pepper has a hole that it can fill.
Your stomach's grumbling like Warstub's critical mumblings
As you transcend starvation in a dimensional shift of will.
Hey pantry doors I have so many questions
My confusion is a head-scratching scene,
Garnish the flavour and brave the freezing kitchen
To explore the 55th time behind your pantry doooooooooooooorrr...
Broken - Broken (by darkjon64)
Jay said, "Shit, my string's broken,
Now I can't play my Ds open
But that's okay, I can still play Bro Hymn by Pennywise..."
Started out in our teens
Had a lot of caffeine
We were new to the scene
Been around for a while
Our original style
First was only a dream
That's that, but now I only think about
Just how long till my hair is finished falling out,
Brett said, "And now my string's broken,
But that's okay, my part's not that important,
I'll just let Brian Baker show off anyway..."
He was a drummer child
Played on cans for a while
Always kept it up loud
Now he's joining the band
'Cause Bobby injured his hand
And he's just something else
I'm so glad, that he's good at drumming
Let it be said that the Wackerman's coming
Oh yeah
And now an amp's broken
I heard a crack
And now it's just smokin'
I smell a gas but I think that that's from when I had chili beans,
When the
Band is touring near you
You'll hear me sing
Part III and Do What You Want,
Or maybe Epiphany
And if you're in the pit
Or flying through the air,
You're probably on someone's face, but you don't really care
When I sing
I'll raise up my fist
And point just like this,
It's all in the wrist
So please listen to me
When you hear me sing, you -
(the microphone cuts out, Greg runs over and grabs Jay's mic and they both sing into it)
And now,
My microphone's broken
I really think
We need some new equipment
So Epitaph...
I'm not jokin'
Our stuff's broken!
(Oh yeah I said it's all broken)
It sure is all broken
(I heard a crack and now it's smokin')
It's really all broken
(What's that gas? It's all broken...)
Can't Stop It - Can't Stop Eating (by darkjon64)
I'm incurable, I'm terrible it's easy to see
I'm a Chinese little midget heavy round boy
I know I'm about to explode
my appetite can not be cured by medication
Let's get it right (Let's get it right)
Just one more bite!
And I... can't stop
Can't stop it
Can't stop eating no I just can't stop it!
I'm fat!
Uncontrollable, high cholesterol,
I'm so hungry I could even eat a reptile
I hate, but I gotta consumate
Frustration 'cause I eat my motivation
Let's set this straight (Let's set this straight!)
I'm overweight
And I... can't stop
Can't stop it
Can't stop eating no I just can't stop it!
I'm fat!
Can't Stop It - La Chiasse (by LV97)
It's uncurable, even by Immodium, it's easy to see
But the amount of intestinal debris that surround me
I know others can postpone
But my ass is on fire and my anus is on vacation
Let's set it right
There's no toilet in sight
And I
Can't stop
Can't stop
Can't stop shit
Can't stop
Can't stop
Can't stop shitting no I just can't stop shit
That's life!
It's unavoidable
I'm unavailable!
If someone comes looking for me say I've had to (...)
I hate (it) when I soil my pants / I'm sorry I just soiled your plate
Getting new ones / pants is now my only motivation
Let's set this straight
I can not wait
No I
Can't stop
Can't stop
Can't stop shit
Can't stop
Can't stop
Can't stop shitting no I just can't stop shit
That's life
Crisis Time - Compression Time (by susu.exp)
Musical recordings these days follow an alarming trend
Dynamic postprocessing´s getting out of hand
Sacrificing quality for a small increase in gain
Crushing the bits to make the transients go away
Clipping is just fine, fuzzy design
Gotta square the sine Compression time
I still recall the days when drums did not sound carboardlike
When snare drum hits created visible convolution hull spikes
Is your VU meter broken? It does not seem to move
It sticks to 0 where the needle used to dance to the groove
Clipping is just fine, fuzzy design
Gotta square the sine Compression time
I got this feeling something´s gone horribly wrong
When mastering engineers put brickwall limiters on the sum
Another broadside fired in a war that can´t be won
Listen to the charred remains of the collateral damage they call "song"
iPod optimized, it ain´t no crime
Gotta square the sine Compression time
Dharma and the Bomb - Charles and the Bong (by CONTEXT)
Wasted swishers and blunt wraps
Cracked and broken bongs
My homegirl Donna wont stop bitching
about my satan spawn
Yeah I farted major and my ass is stinking
everybody left the room because this place is reeking
oh yeah (yeah)
Some bombings going down
Im Charles and the Bong
chowing down
chowing down
Im Charles and the Bong
chowing down
chowing down
Im Charles and the bong
Thou shall now eat this burrito
Tapatio onions and all
And im stoked to watch another robot chicken
Got my bud leaf on the wall
Yeah cali is sunny and tamales are steamin
and my homie thats on welfare drives a brand new black beamer
Oh yeah (yeah)
Some bullshits going down
with Charles and the bong
hangin out
hangin out
with Charles and the bong
hangin out
hangin out
with charles and his bong
Do What You Want - Buy What You Want (A PC Owner's Lament) (by Eric Legault)
Hey buy what you want, but just don't buy a PC.
IRQ's and config.sys files breed insanity
I'll sit 'round my Mac all goddamn day,
An ex-myopic PC owner with Plug-And-
Play what you must, DOS all you can,
Cram all your fucking ports and
Go to Hell with MSman and
Add like a Pentium, yeah hey!
Hey I don't care about your Windows 95,
But I'll believe in Bill when a Pentium can divide.
My model brand is Mac and I'm juicy to the core.
I'll multi-task your ass while you crash though the floor.
So play what you must, DOS all you can,
Cram all your fucking ports and
Go to Hell with MSman and
Add like a Pentium, yeah hey!
Don't Pray On Me - Don't Prey On Me (by susu.exp)
Insert coin into slot for the blackest of Ops
a joystick is moved in Langley
Poppies don´t grow in Flanders fields alone
and this ain't no video game
Well, the Rotax is roaring as the target´s approached, hells fire will soon be unleashed
meurtriers sans frontières no one is out of reach
Well Bill did it back in the Balkans
And George did it over Iraq
and what he began over several -stans
was continued by one Barack
For reconnaisance
and lethal applications
Everybody want to get
to use some UAVs
A bitter debate on the powers of state
with agreement from right and from left
a document leaked on CNBC
decried on FOX ond on TRMS
The domestic use seems to be immune
from judiciary oversight
the reasons for extermination
will remain classified
Meanwhile a reaping device is stalking the sky
finds a target a fait acompli
Microelectronic made by General Atomics
devotee of the Assasins creed
Well I guess cyber's the face of war at the start
of the 21st century
Now everybody's praying
Don't prey on me
Yea, everybody's praying
Don't send your predator drones after me
Fertile Crescent - Shi'ite Crescent (by AnarchoDude)
Come and see the terrible fight,
Don't let the media mask your sight,
It's the manifestation of a deeper blight
That affects me and you.
They outsmarted the Qatari crown,
An old world order was falling down,
And we'd all seen it coming when we heard them say
It's getting blown away.
And the shi'ite crescent is waning today
And maybe, the USA too.
The Sykes-Picot imperialists dictated it this way
And we're all in this together, don't you know,
'Cause the pipelines have always got to flow.
Mubarak's gone, Saddam is dead,
Bahrain's king could be under threat,
The three are symptomatic of threads
That wind back through time.
No one can predict this uncertain trend,
Secular nationalism's met its end,
But its mangled legacy still survives
In sectarian divides.
And the shi'ite crescent is waning today
And maybe, the USA too.
The Sykes-Picot imperialists dictated it this way
And we're all in this together, don't you know,
'Cause the pipelines have always got to flow.
Frogger - Soccer (by RatGuy)
She's tired of being pretty
She wants to play outside
Now I'm running across a big field
Playing soccer with my wife
Soccer with my wife
Fuck You - Duck Stew (by Robo Pilgrim)
Everybody has ingredients in a cupboard or two
It never hurts to have a recipe you can go to
Sometimes i don't use scales at all
As most good chefs are wont to do
Just make duck stew
Carrots, onions, shrooms
Add some mace too
Pay homage to
Poultry-based food
You can even add celeriac if you want to
Make some radical flavours in that stew
Sometimes it takes no effort at all
the easiest thing to do
Just make duck stew
Carrots, onions, shrooms
Add some mace too
Pay homage to
Poultry-based food
The nutrition it brings
just one of those things
Your friends will keep coming round
If the balance is right you might make something nice
Even though you can't make hash browns
But all rest assured sometimes just a bird
Has the most satisfying taste
Sometimes you just leave it to boil
The tastiest thing to do
Just make duck stew
Carrots, onions, shrooms
Add some mace too
Pay homage to
Poultry-based food
Just make duck stew
What you gonna do
With that stock cube
Just make duck stew
Generator - Golden Retriever (by darkjon64)
Bite the cop
Bite the mailman
Bite your metacarpal bone
I am covered with fur, filled with joy and true gladness
And every stick that's thrown I will return
I just want to explore
And sniff some people's jeans
Catch a frisbee while flyin'
And run under trampolines
I'll devour a bag of Kibbles
I'll eat anything that's canned
I'll bark only when it's silent
I'll track mud on the floor
I'm a Golden Retriever
Oh yeah, oh yeah
I'll track mud on the floor
Wash me clean and I will roll
Around in dirt some more
My tail's not very long
There's a bone in the trash bin
My tongue is always hanging out
I try to bite the wind
Stick my nose out the car window
I've got my doggy door
I pee on your couches
I track mud on the floor
I'm a Golden Retriever
Oh yeah, oh yeah
I'll track mud on the floor
Wash me clean and I will roll
Around in dirt some more
(dog howling to the tune of the "oh oh"'s)
Generator - Turkeynator (by frod79)
First small talk, with aunt Janet,
now some jokes from uncle Tom
I'll remain unperturbed by their false sense of kindness
and low amount of annual concern
I've prepped all morning long
And the turkey has been cleaned
Like a fridge before dining
Like a bass line played by Flea
The kids are playing Nintendo
There's Cranberry sauce in cans
Like the vodka induced violence
from drunk grandma Lenore
It's the Turkey-nator
oh yeah oh yeah dinner will be served at 4,
pass the sweet potatoes and the salt, i want some more
I've eaten all day long
now exhausted passing wind
Too full i'll cut this pie in half
ate so much grew a chin
theres some awkward innuendo
There' some green beans and corn
Like gravy for dark meat
on the mashed potatoes poured
It's the Turkey-nator
oh yeah oh yeah dinner will be served at 4
pass the sweet potatoes and the salt i want some more
nom nomnomnom noooOOOOOmmm OOOmmm nom nom
nom nomnomnom noooOOOOOmmm OOOmmm nom nom
Heroes and Martyrs - Heroes and Marty's (by frod79)
Amidst the posts that are whack
Seconds you'll never get back
The Forum Mods are a hitting the brake lights
But randomly he will roam from the Netherlands he calls home
To everyone he is the Tech Guy...
Our hero, named Marty, puts on his favorite boots
Which kicks your ass is up to you..
Into the hours of night
fanboys and n00bs start their fights
"Greg or Gurewitz: which songs are played right?"
A pointless repeated thread summoning both Some Guy and Brett
New Discography provides more insight
Our hero, named Marty, puts on his favorite boots
Which kicks your ass is up to you.
I Want To Conquer The World - I'm Not a Skunk, I'm A Squirrel! (by darkjon64)
You feed the chipmunks when your hand is full of peanuts,
But when you run away from me, well it drives me nuts
Your sister feeds the groundhogs without hesitation,
Your brother knows the woods but none of god's creations.
I may be fat but I'm not another species.
Is it my problem if you think I smell like feces?
Hey mother teach your kids there's fur of different colors
You shouldn't label me as different from the others
And I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
You're such an idiot, go back to kindergarten
Don't run away from me, I don't smell like a toilet
I'm just a giant squirrel so give me some peanuts
I'm a hungry hungry guy
Oh my God you must be joking!
Put down that baseball bat with your cowardly frustrations,
Did I make your children cry with your wild imagination?
Hey little Johnny, go and get an education,
How would you feel if you were in my situation?
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
You're such an idiot, go back to kindergarten
Don't run away from me, I don't smell like a toilet
I'm just a giant squirrel so give me some peanuts
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
Get some sunflower seeds and feed me through your children,
Do I not look like a chipmunk with my poofy tail?
You'll have peaceful kids and I'll have some acorns,
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel,
I'm not a skunk, I'm a squirrel!
Incomplete - Apple III (by darkjon64)
Mother, father, gave me this damned computer
Not a hero, Pentium zero,
It's like probably the first one in history,
To turn it on you need a key
Leaves burn marks on the floor
The whole thing just shakes
And then shakes some more,
Type one word, it sparks and lights on fire,
The screen's all blurry, and I'm in a hurry,
16K memory,
I have...
Apple III... Apple III... Apple III... Apple III...
"Now son, hear me, there's nothing wrong with its condition"
That's madness, shoot me,
The motherboard's just crap and the text is grainy,
It was obsolete in spring,
Of 1981,
Gave apples a bad name,
The games are no fun,
I was promised it would e-mail letters,
A dust-filled motor, no solitaire or poker,
16K memory,
I have...
Apple III... Apple III... Apple III... Apple III...
Tell them to upgrade to Pentium 3, yeah,
It's got a crappy processor,
It makes a nifty trash can,
I have...
Apple III... Apple III... Apple III... Apple III...
Kerosene - Kariscene (by frod79)
(in honor of Kariscene)
Everywhere she looks she finds exclusive Brett-related findings
Pelt her with Brett Trivia, she disdains incompetence
Kariscene keeps me warned , N00BS and Dewbs better not spurn
Kariscene
Composure is the Ultimate Brett Fangirl's way of trying
To center her Chi in case he walks right by her
Kariscene keeps us warned N00BS and Dewbs better not spurn
Kariscene
Michigan and LA's so far away
Grateful there's the B R Paa-age!
Kariscene keeps me warned
N00BS and Dewbs better not spurn
Kariscene
Kariscene keeps me warned
N00BS and Dewbs better not spurn
Kariscene
Kariscene keeps me warned
N00BS and Dewbs better not spurn
Kariscene
[to fade]
Let Them Eat War - Let Them Eat Pork (by darkjon64)
There's a bunch of people tryin' to make a stink about dinner
Who've never even had a plain hot dog
Everybody might calm down a little if they just revoked one law
But these people aren't looking for a ham now
They believe in old mystic lore
Can this be why they're both at war?
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
That's how to end all the war
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
There's an urgent need to feed...
On frying swine
From the pigs to the deli meat shops
The pork economy is great in some spots
But the people who'll benefit most
Are those who've never tasted bacon on toast
You never eat a rack of ribs and then want to start a war
All you ever want to do is eat more
It's a war-time remedy to explore
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
That's how to end all the war
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
There's an urgent need to feed...
On frying swine
We've got to:
Kill a bunch'a pigs and get 'em dressed in southwest
Have a bunch'a feasts in the East amidst death
Teach 'em why they oughtta just lose those old texts
Cause religion is death, and the pig tastes the best
There's an old site that's claimed by two old religions
Both of 'em said that it's not right
Eating non-vegetarian pets
A bone's throw away from a soft bite
What's not to like?
(Bacon or death)
Hey, have a slice of bacon
(Bacon or death)
'Cause you ain't gonna be forsaken
(Bacon or death)
Nobody's gonna give a shit
'Cause it's bacon! It's not death!
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
That's how to end all the war
Let them eat pork
Let them eat pork
There's an urgent need to feed...
Los Angeles is Burning - Moskva is Burning (by AnarchoDude)
Somewhere in Eastern Europe among rivers of blue
A sane man skirts under the smoke
But down here in the city of Russian tsars
The fans of Maryino are withering
And you can't deny the living is easy
If you never look behind the scenery
It's Showtime for dry climes
And bedlam is dreaming of rain
When the peat bogs of Moskva are burning
Quagmires are candles in the choking clouds
So many lives are on the breeze
Even the czars are ill at ease
And Moskva is burning
These are the effects
of the climate crisis our world's in
When capitalist fires and communist towers
Conspire to dance again
And I cannot believe the Media Mecca
They're only trying to peddle reality
Catch it on Prime Time
Story at nine
The whole city's suffocating
When the peat bogs of Moskva are burning
Quagmires are candles in the choking clouds
So many lives are on the breeze
Even the czars are ill at ease
And Moskva is burning
A placard reads "the end of days"
and the communists are bending in the haze
More a question than a curse
How could hell be any worse?
The smoke is stunning
The cameras running
So take warning!
When the peat bogs of Moscow are burning
Quagmires are candles in the choking clouds
So many lives are on the breeze
Even the czars are ill at ease
And Moskva is burning
Los Angeles is Burning - Wall Street is Being Occupied (by AnarchoDude)
Somewhere on the internet where you can't tell what's true
they'll tell you it's all about currency,
But up there in the city that cannot sleep
The grip of the media is withering.
And you can’t deny that living is easy
For the assholes who run the economy,
It's showtime for a lost cause,
And beijing is dreaming of war.
When the park near the stock exchange is occupied,
Dollars are candles in the choking smog,
So let the propaganda fly,
Tonight an Afghan's gonna die
And wall street is being occupied.
This is not a test
Of the anonymous DDOS system
When copyright lawsuits and patriot acts
Will fuck us all o'er again.
And I cannot believe the punditry Mecca,
They're only trying to peddle reality:
Catch it on prime time, story of our time,
The whole world is coming alive.
When the park near the stock exchange is occupied,
Dollars are candles in the choking smog,
So let the propaganda fly,
Tonight an Afghan's gonna die
And wall street is being occupied.
A placard reads: "The end of ways".
Red and black banners are bending in the haze.
More a question than a curse,
How will earth get any worse?
Demands are coming,
The camera's running
So take warning.
When the park near the stock exchange is occupied,
Dollars are candles in the choking smog,
So let the propaganda fly,
Tonight an Afghan's gonna die
And wall street is being occupied.
Lost Pilgrim - Scott Pilgrim (vs the World) (by frod79)
Pilgrim, so you think this round is clear?
You've beaten Patel but there are many more to fear
Pilgrim, will you battle Lucas Lee?
He's an actor, skates, and owns his own 'board company
In your hour of despair he was fooled by your dare
Performed his final grind
But the League of Evil Exes will ensure your demise
Pilgrim, make the venue just in time
with your band mates Stephen Stills and Kim Pine
Pilgrim, Envy Adams in' town it's told
She's still in your head and you can't get over her hold
The next Ex in line, a bassist refined, giving you a stare
Vegan powers making Todd Ingram's advantage unfair
Ingram Lied, and Roxy Ricther's Bi
Both despised the meat
Such a niche, this world of eggs & milk, bitch
Scott Pilgrim won't be beat
Pilgrim, those Japanese twins aren't so bright
Just stomp your pedal and summon a Yeti to fight
At Ramona's side , a pompous nerdy guy
He's G-man Gideon Graves
Don't freak out, Ramona and Knives Chau
Scott Pilgrim 'll save the day
My Head is Full of Ghosts - My Oven's Full of Toast (by CONTEXT)
My oven's full of
TOAST!
But I wont butter it.
Despite my oven mit, And the steam.
But I Won't fail to use the pilot on the stovetop to melt cream.
Do you wanna know my secret?
will you fold the crapes so dear?
I don't burn my scrambled eggy's
the truth is my bacon's made out of steer
My oven's full of
ROAST!
No it's not chicken
It's finger lickin', don't mean to boast.
A feast for any family except maybe ethiopes.
Oh your heaven is my kitchen.
I've got sauces on my blouse.
I don't need no curry powder,
I need bay leaves and some garlic salt right now.
Now my recognition is recipe-switchin
and people are lickin their spoons.
and eating the leftovers too......
Our tummy's are so
STOKED!
We feel so vibrant.
I need to lighten it, need to pee.
I will force this new protrusion out of me like Carnegie
ROAST!
No it's not chicken
It's finger lickin', don't mean to boast.
A feast for any family except maybe ethiopes.
My Head is Full of Ghosts - My Thread is Full of Posts (by frod79)
My thread is full of... POSTS! / It's rather definite, despite that evidence disagrees
Won't ignore you or be quiet I'll just argue endlessly
Why did I not get a leak yet? / Not entitled that is clear
Gonna troll now out of resent / I'll have my final say then disappear..
My thread is full of ..POSTS!
On Bad Religion, a tactician of riposte /Chock full of erudition and unverifiable boasts
In the name of Hetson's Gibsons / These replies are turning foul
Gotta fulfill this addiction, I'll get my fix when the YouTube vids are out
You'll need a clinician in wanting to listen so bad you hit F5 through noon
It's turning us all into loons..
My thread is full of..POSTS!, a balanced diet of fake & pirated MP3's
And I'll rejoice when Kingsroad merch is finally mailed to me
POSTS! On Bad Religion, a tactician of riposte.. Chock full of erudition and unverifiable boasts...
My Sanity - My Warranty (by frod79)
When the offer's not bad, and you want to drive home
Am i qualified, for low interest loans?
Now is the time, to negotiate a price
....So should i get something brand new, used or certified?
It's all confusing...
My warranty, My warranty
It's only good through, 20-23
This car dealership, is also giving me
Oil changes and scented trees
What else should i know? Are there hidden fees...
It's all a trap.
When my phone died last June, I felt so aggrieved
But it turned out in fact, I checked my receipts.
Amazon Prime, offered one year redemption
From the date of sale my Samsung phone was safe from malfunction
With conditions...
My warranty, My warranty
It sounds like a ruse, until you're in need
A drop of the phone, sharp on concrete, send for repair or get one for free
Things won't be so bad, boy i feel relieved. I'm glad I have, my dear warranty
Sometimes there's a sane reason... to invest in one
Oh My warranty My warranty
Exclusions apply, expressed guarantee
Just read the fine print, Paragraph Three
Limitations of liability
Some jurisdictions will void remedy
Legal, binding, and stat-u-tory
Non-Transferrable, there's so much to read...
You're all I have, My dear warranty...
No Substance - No success (by Harbortown)
Gurewitz wrote all of our hit songs
Album sales are never certain to transpire
I lost my head, trying to write an album for this baaa-aaaand...
We call Bad Religion
My new riffs are cheap
Lyrics uninspired
A girl on the front
Will make people buy it
Bobby is tired
He can't play D-beat
But that is okay
'Cause we're not playing punk
I have forgotten how
to write songs that are actually good
I've got some ideas but they're mostly just crap
Maybe I'll drop this career and do rap
But still there's a problem, 'cause Atlantic wants dough
I wrote up some lyrics, Die Toten Hosen can join
And quality stales, this record is bad
At least we can tour, on our good old merits
There's no success
There's no success
I have forgotten how
to write songs that are actually good
I've got some ideas but they're mostly just crap
Maybe I'll drop this career and do rap
But still there's a problem, 'cause Atlantic wants dough
I wrote up some lyrics, Die Toten Hosen can join
And quality stales, this record is bad
At least we can tour, on our good old merits
No Substance - Warstub's Stance (by frod79)
(in honor of Warstub)
"Tchaikovsky and Mozart did it right... all of you are simple music neophytes"
He's not astounded that this indulgent tale of lies... comes from America.
He plays his guitar outspoken and gruff
in need of a band, tequila and hugs
So handle with care, responding to threads,
you'll wish for some calm, but you're not getting it
Once you get pissed yourself, a smile grows on Warstub's face,
he's got his ideas and his musical sense The BRPage Tool....fan with much bitterness
He'll still find a problem, so you better beware
about how your Top 10 doesn't really compare
"Your list blows", he wails, "I hereby decree
It fails to impress, I'm contritely displeased"
It's Warstub's Stance!... ehhh ance... ehhh ance.. ehhhh ance.. ehhhh ance..
It's Warstub's Stance!
Once you get pissed yourself, a smile grows on Warstub's face
He's got his ideas and his musical sense, The BRPage Tool....fan with much bitterness
He'll still have a problem, leaves replies splitting hairs
about how your cover is 'OK' not quite there
"You played the wrong scales!" ... "The key should be D!"
Unless it's Baroque.. he'll unlikely be pleased
It's Warstub's Stance!... ehhh ance... ehhh ance.. ehhhh ance.. ehhhh ance..
It's Warstub's Stance!
Only Rain - Not Cocaine (by frod79)
Ryan Seacrest please save us from ourselves today
Because Top 40 blows; It's about to snow
manufacturing work-free days
There's a stormfront coming from the northeast, bringing snow and sleet and rain
Thats what the weatherman was sayin'...
Snow fell like 8-balls while i was at N.A.
said it fell like 8-balls but it, was not cocaine..
I know it's cold. And I know it's white.
And i know ive got to keep warm just like a blanket in the night
When a cokehead's out in the snow today and his willpower isn't stable
Chances are he'll try to snort away
Snow fell like 8-balls while i was at N.A.
said it fell like 8-balls but it, was not cocaine..
Snow fell like 8-balls while i was at N.A.
said it fell like 8-balls but it, was not cocaine..
Snow sucks more ass than Kim Kardashian lost in a donkey ranch
without a guide in ha-e-and...
Snow fell like 8-balls while i was at N.A.
said it fell like 8-balls but it, was not cocaine..
Snow fell like 8-balls while i was at N.A.
said it fell like 8-balls but it, was not cocaine..
Out Of Hand - (Emo Is) Out Of Hand (by RatGuy)
Don't wanna have to take their shit anymore
I finally concluded that emo kids are whores
The whining of their voices
Their tiny little pants
They've sold their souls to MTV
Just like their emo bands
And they got what they wanted
Without talent or demand
Let's hope their time is running out
Their music's fucking bland
Out of Hand - Out of Hand (by Uncle Chapstick)
Don't wanna have to take your shit anymore!
This site is way too slow!
Come on BRPage,
Don't got all fuckin' day.
I like the new collection feature,
But this site is comin' down.
So Marty, MONO, Jesse,
Please just help us out.
My time is running sparse,
THIS SITE IS OUT OF HHHHHAAAAAANNNNNDDDD!!!!!!
Pride and the Pallor - Pride of The Torbar (by frod79)
(in honor of Torbar)
Torbar had a secretary 14bright14 and he noticed that her name had a small "t"
Being that the kid, UncleChadwicK, changed his name, he had made his true feelings known to Marty.
Lost as an old man playing Wii, insistent that his name be more like kariscene's
Yeah, Torbar very valiantly trying to persuade. A thousand word long essay, submitted and displayed.
But time will tell if his name gets changed as well
What he created was a forum thread that no Mod will tell. It’s a Photoshop job unbearable.
But the Pride of our Torbar it continues to swell as he consumes lots of Subway.
Tom Barber resented the name he made for himself, and it manifests by bidding on E-Bay
Robo Pilgrim told him how and when it would occur, so now capital letters must be cast away
Capitalization must now cease, from MONOLITH, SOLDSHORT right on through to BRP
Yeah, Torbar very valiantly trying to persuade. A thousand word long essay, submitted and displayed
But time will tell, if his name gets changed as well.
What he created was a forum thread that no Mod will tell. It’s a Photoshop job unbearable.
But the Pride of our Torbar it continues to swell. As he consumes lots of Subway..
“Get Torbar a beer, someone’s got to change his name.”
The Shoutbox is reminded to do it for St. Paddy's Day, His 21st Birthday's a few weeks away.
Yeah, Lost as an old man playing Wii. insistent that his name be more like kariscene's
Yeah, Torbar very valiantly trying to persuade. A thousand word long essay, submitted and displayed
like a big shit HugeFanofBadReligion had made, but time will tell if his name gets changed as well.
What he created was a forum thread that no Mod will tell. It’s a Photoshop job unbearable.
But the pride of our torbar it continues to swell. As he consumes lots of Subway.
Raise Your Voice - La-Z-Boys (by darkjon64)
I think this is a song I could parody about any subject at any time...
Ah ah ah-ah... ah ah ah-ah Lay-Z-Boys! (4x)
Don't think you're fine in chairs of cedar or pine
Don't lie in hammocks every day all the time
Don't sit on stools when at the bar like the fools
'Cause none of them even will recline into a full bed
So...
Ah ah ah-ah... ah ah ah-ah Lay-Z-Boys! (4x)
It's so comfortable, the leather pads are stuffed full
The warranty here is good for 25 years
If you don't want to pay, just put it on layaway
Our leather covers never stain, good for every day!
So...
Ah ah ah-ah... ah ah ah-ah Lay-Z-Boys! (1,000,000x)
Recipe For Hate - Recipe For Cake (by RatGuy)
Can't you feel it, can't you see
The promise of a good pastry
It's overwhelming you and me
And suddenly you feel hungry
Delectable and tasty too
A great aroma sticks to you
The taste has such a potency
It's great for all humanity
Two cups of sugar
And all purpose flour
Preheat your oven
Three hundred fifty degrees
Take all the flour and add
Baking powder
It's not that tricky
It's just a recipe
Add some sugar to the mix
Then add some eggs, maybe six
Now the mix starts to react
To vanilla flavored extract
Bake your mix in a tube pan
Be careful not to burn your hand
Instructions here as they're portrayed
It's just a recipe for cake
A recipe for cake
No need for butter
Just lots of icing
Is all you'll need for
This warm and tasty treat
You'll feel such elation
A delicious sensation
It's not too complicated
It's just a recipe for cake
Sinister Rouge - S1n1st3r n00b (by frod79)
(in honor of n1ckb0n3z)
20 Years Old, he jams on his bass, covering songs for the BR Page
Unaware of military time, Long Island skater in his prime
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
#2 Pencils are not his friends, his favorite album's No Substance
WTF LOL Bro!!, don't fuck around with N1ck Carbone
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
Skating season is here again he'll tape it with his fish eye lens
Ollie, kick, a Rail Stand, his ways we'll never understand
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
S1n1st3r n00b the shoutbox is his whore he'll come back for more
S1n1st3r n00b!
S1n1st3r n00b!!
S1n1st3r n00b!!!?
S1n1st3r n00b!!!!??
S1n1st3r n00b!!!!!???
S1n1st3r n00b!!!!!!????
The nightmare comes, he's S1n1st3er n00000000000000000000000b!
Skyscraper - Cookiescraper (by 14bright14)
Come let us make cookies
And not burn them hard,
We'll build a castle
With a tower for the milk
And dunk so we can have
Any crumbs we havn't spilt,
Any crumbs at all.
Pick me up, dunk me in.
like a gift from keebler,
Pick me up, and dunk me in
This glass of milk
So it won't spill at all.
I know why it was dunked that day.
You thought that if the milk splashed
We’d all go away
Like an Oreo commercial
Chips Ahoy! Or Nestle
You had your dessert
Pick me up, dunk me in.
like a gift from keebler,
Pick me up, and dunk me in
This glass of milk
So it won't spill at all.
Well, when milk it rained
And cookies drowned,
When cookie castle came crashing down,
Now the echoes rAwR
For a cookie chip
That was hardly a biscuit
And so always fucking good.
Pick me up, dunk me in.
like a gift from keebler,
Pick me up, and dunk me in
This glass of milk
So it won't spill at all.
Skyscraper - PrideScraper (by Graffinius)
(an ode to the Dept. Of False Hope YouTube link)
Come let us take songs and burn them hard
We'll convert it, and then we will upload
Quick Time, or MP3, streaming from a Windows Phone
To YouTube it will go...
Put it up, then take it down, like the new BR track
Put it up, then take down their brand new song
So they can't listen anymore...
I know why you took it down that day
AnarchoDude said "you're a dick head"
Then the song just went away
Like a spoiled little baby who didn't get his way
That YouTube link is dead
Put it up, then take it down, like the new BR track
Put it up, then take down their brand new song
So they can't listen anymore...
Well I did a search, and what I found
Is the new BR track was taken down
And the echoes roar for a song that wasn't Reversed Robin Hood
But probably just as gooooood.
Put it up, then take it down, like the new BR track
Put it up, then take down their brand new song
So they can't listen anymore...
Slumber - Lasagna (by YesIAmTori)
So, you're feeling pretty hungry
And you're tired of McDonalds
And your diet's just a ramble
Weightwatcher's food is just too bland
Well, I've got a piece of news, son
That might make you eat healthily
There is a food that's made of pasta
That actually tastes really great
Lasagna will come soon
Just put it in the oven for a while
You will never want to share
With any of your roommates
Lasagna will come soon
Well, now do you feel a little better?
Eat up your fill and walk away
Leave the dirty dishes for your roommates to clean
Who cares if they have a go at you?
There is just no time to waste your life getting
Fatter everyday
But with this simple recipe
You won't put on too muchweight
Maybe your roommates will like you
So listen to me when I say
You won't regret trying this tasty meal
If life makes you scared and bitter,
At least lasagna's always there for you
Lasagna will come soon
Just put it in the oven for a while
You will never want to share
With any of your roommates
Lasagna will come soon
Slumber - Plumber (by darkjon64)
So, you've got a runny toilet
And your sink is full of dirt
When your pipes are getting rusty
And the shower never works
Well, I've got a good suggestion
That might help your water flow
Two guys can restore all your appliances
And at a reasonable price
The Plumbers will come soon
And they can help you clean out your sink
Side by side they'll use their plungers faithfully and surely
The Plumbers will come soon
Well, now is your kitchen getting wetter?
Pick up the phone and call today
Knowing they'll be here in an hour
If they are not too far away
There's just no time when your pipes are all bulging,
Would you be rather wet or dry?
The rich, the poor, the strong, the weak,
They all will need a shower,
So they'll pitch in and keep us dry
They'll pitch in and keep us dry
I'm not good at fixing showers,
And I don't always flush and rinse,
If your pipes are made of copper,
Then they cannot be very strong
The Plumbers will come soon
And they can help you clean out your sink
Side by side they'll use their plungers faithfully and surely
The Plumbers will come soon
Plumbers will come soon
Plumbers will come soon
Plumbers will some soon
Sorrow - Porno (by darkjon64)
Father can you hear me?
I'm going into town...
I'm going to buy some eggs and milk,
And all the porno in this world
First I'll go into the Chinatown,
Where all old men buy "Tramps and Clowns"
DVDs with brunettes that will all go blonde
And now my grand collection has begun
It's a real life pornographic sea,
A really sweet collection that all belongs to me
I have filled my living room just with "Asians in Thongs"
Well soon I do imagine
There will be porno,
Yeah there will be porno,
And there will be porno, no more
Now all store clerks send me issues now,
So when all VHS queens are bought from your towns
And so the only place to buy it
Is from one man, myself, it's easy to make profits,
There will be porno,
Yeah there will be porno,
And there will be porno, no more
There will be porno,
Yeah there will be porno,
And there will be porno, no more
Yeah there will be porno,
Yeah there will be porno,
And there will be porno, no more...
Supersonic - Supergeeky (by Warstub)
Well, am I playing games or could it be games are playing me,
What’s life but a thing to kill or die or lose or reload into?
Online profile, keep saving face
To compete with the PC Master Race
I could go supergeeky, games are addictive
Sell me a program that betters it!
When I need to get away, I just boot up and play
That game Oblivion.
Boot up Oblivion yah yah yah yah yah yah ya-ahn...
Pennywise once asked me, where’re the aliens?
Contained right here in my Half-Life 2 Orange Box nice and safe!
My crimes are senseless, theft and murder rewarded with
disturbing behaviour on display.
I could go supergeeky, games are systemic.
Sell me a program that betters it!
When I want to get away, I just boot up and play
that game Oblivion
I won’t die, (unless it’s, Dark Souls’s)
It’s distressing (which covenant, to choose from)
When I try (heart pounding, boss battles)
To slaughter things (strategies to kill the hollows)
I just want to win (and not be beaten into the ground)
Dexterity, (Ultra Greatsword, slow thrusting)
Endurance level. (Not enough souls to level up)
This game is misery. (Prepare to die again)
I could go supergeeky, games are addictive.
Sell me a program that betters it!
When I want to get away, I just boot up and play
that game Oblivion
Boot up Oblivion yah yah yah yah yah yah ya-ahn...
The Answer - The Censors (by darkjon64)
Long ago in a town in Britain
Full of laughter and the like,
A show came out which had improvised skits
Which inspired lots of drama in life
And they were never told to censor,
And TV ratings were still going on strong,
But the British humor vanished
And the show was transferred
To a village known as LA
Every time when I see Drew
On boob tubes every night
Wayne Brady plays unpredictable plays
And Greg Proops will sing all the time
They never thought they had to censor
But they are quick with fingers on the button,
But they can't predict the lines,
And so Ryan Styles
Makes fun of Colin Mochrie
Don't tell ABC to censor,
'Cause there should not be words to exclude
I don't believe you have to censor
Words that really mean poo
But if you're living with your grandmother
Or you are a Christian
Then the censor is perfect for you
And Laura Hall sits playing with the hoedown
Always in the key of C
One thing they should take away is Drew Carey's ugly face
It should be really blurry
Everyone's begging them to censor
Without regard to hilarity
The swearing never ends
As the show goes on and on on your cable TV
Don't tell ABC to censor,
'Cause there should not be words they have to exclude
I don't believe you have to censor
Words that really mean poo
But if you're living with your grandmother
Or you are a Christian
Then the censor is perfect for you
The Answer - The Cobbler (by darkjon64)
Long ago in a caveman village
Full of bare feet, pain and strife
A man came forth with a pair of nice shoes
And some string, leather, nails, and a knife
He was convinced to be the cobbler
And he compelled people to wear his work boots
So the blistering had vanished
(And the man was Spanish)
And the village grew up and thrived
Then in time when high rise buildings
Rose up towards the sky
His product changed in profitable ways
And this man was able to find
That he had thought he was the cobbler
And he was quick to get the legal work done
But before the copyrights
Kids worked days and nights
In sweat shops down in Mexico
If you try to be a cobbler
Well then another one will come along soon
I want to be the only cobbler
I thought of it, not you
But if you've got investors with money
And you exploit children
Then a cobbler is perfect for you
And now the man is sitting down in court with
Owners of the industry
Now you're probably thinking, "Hey! How's he still alive today?"
That's just a mystery.
He spoke his claim to be the cobbler
And not Adidas, Reebok or Nike
The man was sent to jail
With his leather, nails, and knife for eternity
So if you think you're a cobbler
Well then they'll lock you in a dark and damp room
With a man who's not a cobbler
But he's cobbling you
But if you still can keep your dignity
And you don't mind Bruno
Then a cobbler is perfect for you
The Answer - The Dancer (by frod79)
Long ago in a fine arts college
Full of younger Gals & Guys
A man came forth, with his outfit and shoes
To the challenge, he would arise
He was convinced he was a Dancer
And he cranked up his iPod's playlist of songs
But his dancing was outlandish
And his moves were bland-ish
It was visually rough to the blind.
At a time when Swing was cheered
A dance troupe thought they could try...
They tried to change and to broaden their range
With styles way ahead of their time
So they had thought they were the dancers
Who'd usher in a brand new generation
But it came to their surprise, the techniques devised
Would soon become the Batusi
Don't tell me about The Dancer
Or then I'll go all Macarena on you
I don't think you're that good a dancer
I've got some sweet ass moves
If you Electric Slide horrendously
And you've got no rhythm, Then my dance moves are perfect for you
The Ballroom Waltz once held up high in regard
Now is an antiquity
Chicken Dance now all the rage, stupid Cha Cha Slide that's played
At every wedding you see
Everyone's trying to be a Dancer
Without regard to choreography
The prancing never ends
It goes on and on and on unsuccessfully
Don't tell me about The Dancer
Or then I'll go all Macarena on you
I don't think you're that good a dancer
I've got some sweet ass moves
If you Electric Slide horrendously
And you've got no rhythm, Then my dance moves are perfect for you
(my dance moves are perfect for you....)
The Biggest Killer In American History - Ben Stiller Song (by frod79)
(B-B-Ben-Stillah B-B-Ben-Stillah)
There's Something About Mary, and Meet the Parents, too
Both hilarious movies and both deserve their due
Not talkin' bout the sequels, each one a lost cause
I can't go to theaters because I can't press pause.
Unfortunately, all his flicks make money, the proof is right there, most are unaware that
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
and The Heartbreak Kid * makes three.
He was good in Dodgeball and in Tenacious D
A True Underdog Story and the Pick of Destiny
I think of Tropic Thunder and his Simple Jack disguise
I look at Tom Cruise Dancing and I can't believe my eyes
I'll just watch The Cable Guy!!
Most surely remember that Zoolander was cool
You have to give him credit, that character's a tool
We have got a problem, it's Ben Stiller's career
I could keep complaining, but I think I'll have a beer...
and rent Starsky and Hutch, or better yet Dutch
He wasn't in such, but Al Bundy was
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
The worst Ben Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy
(The worst Ben St-St-Stiller movies were Duplex and Envy)
and The Heartbreak Kid makes three.
The Day That The Earth Stalled - The Day Your Mom Had Paul (by frod79)
Do you remember when
your mom looked like she was a perfect 10?
I know that you're my friend...
But can you ask her to give me a call?
Do you remember when
I was at your house when your dad was at the mall?
That was the day she conceived Paul
That's the day she conceived Paul
That's the day we conceived Paul
Sorry you look so forlorn, how your brother Paul was born
Do you want to learn as to, how she was seduced and wooed?
Bottle of Jager and softcore porn, someone had to keep her warm!
Why do you look so appalled About the day she conceived Paul?
Your mom and I had a ball
Threw her against the Dry-waaa-AAA-a-a-aaaall!!
Attracted to her southern Drawl
That's the day she Conceived Paul!
The Defense - Higher Fence (by darkjon64)
My backyard's easier for dogs to run upon today,
Mess in my backyard is a stink and a felony
Yeah now I can watch a-hundred-one Dalmations on my backyard lawn
And my white picket fence is vandalized daily so I want them gone
These things are seldom groomed or cleaned
They're not allowed to enjoy my greens
(Won't go away!)
(No fleas)
No fleas!
(And no mess)
No mess!
(I hate)
I hate that goddamn stench!
(Not man's best friend)
To state the obvious,
They had asparagus for lunch!
No barks!
(No barks)
And no bites!
(No bites)
Ain't it awful they can get inside?
(All night!)
Don't want canines to offer their offense,
So I'll construct a higher fence
They bark all day, and defecate just anywhere
They're jumping pretty high, it's amazing; their abilities
Now I start to doubt that there's such a thing as gravity
There's got to be a way to overcome their sheer brutality
Is there an option left for me?
They went all over my bonsai tree!
(That's insane!)
(No fleas)
No fleas!
(And no mess)
No mess!
(I hate)
I hate that goddamn stench!
(Not man's best friend)
To state the obvious,
They had asparagus for lunch!
No barks!
(no barks)
And no bites!
(No bites)
Ain't it awful they can get inside?
(All night!)
Don't want canines to offer their offense,
So I'll construct a higher fence
There's a sign to warn trespassers
And the fence doesn't have a gate
It was all made in a day
It's a twenty foot electric
And a thirty-seven foot high brick wall
The only dogless yard in the world!
Woo hoo!
But then to my surprise,
I can't believe my eyes,
Fido jumps out of his pen and rover nearly flies,
It's so impossible
To any common sense
So I'll construct a higher fence
My backyard's easier for dogs to jump into today
But maybe it's the dogs evolving into mutant state
I've seen Dalmations who have wings of spotted black and white
So I'll construct a higher fence
The Devil in Stitches - The Devils Are Bitches (by frod79)
Hey! Dynasties end without warning
Cherry Red, and Black, and White trim on their gear and all cool nerves
They had a ton of upside and Stanley Cup pride
And nothing you could throw would get through them
So don't.. look at the sports page it seems like they got beat
"Signing Kovalchuck will make the pain go away”
We'll watch every puck drop until that loss streak stops
And hope the Devils will be advancing
Back up to number one
(they're done!)
Because my Devils are Bitches and they've only won
5 out of their last 21, Not so fun!
Brodeur's not saving goals for his life
]Parise's shots are hitting posts
It's so easy to love teams with no dysfunction
they say, ”It'll continue, sadly”
Where's Niedemayer Scotty Stevens, and Daneyko?
Praying for a veteran to save their lives
I want to have those fun times back like in '99
And hope the Devils will be advancing
Back up to number one
(they're done!)
But my Devils are Bitches and they've only won
five out of their last 21, Not so fun!
I Wish they'd compete, like Bruce Driver, Bill Guerin, or Bobby Holik
someone hand me my rope like in Shawshank Redemption
Here's your punch drunk Winger checked clean out of his senses
guitar solo
I know they suck and play like they stink
That's when attendance went down
Lou Lamoriello made a decision
Response was met with derision
Declaring “Trade Langenbrunner”
This team's not getting much younger
So come on and sing, "Oh Canada" Right Now!
The Handshake - The Milkshake (by AnarchoDude)
Every time you serve someone's shake
And you're the employee of the month,
Could it be that false sense of superiority?
Without regard to well-being, with a fucking ton of calories,
Milkshakes are nothing but a subtle "fuck you",
Fast food determines the best friendships.
This is the food of the modern world,
Everyone's dying for eating it,
This is the food of the modern world,
And someone has gotta serve.
Every time you serve someone's shake
And it has neither color nor taste,
You just served someone the vanilla variety.
There is much indulgence, passion, and gluttony
And these have created the new foundations of society,
There's no harmony, just fucking shakes.
This is the food of the modern world,
Everyone's dying for eating it,
This is the food of the modern world,
And someone has gotta serve.
Now I have eaten eighty three, hundred thousand chocolate milkshakes,
But I'm not gonna get diabetes.
Every time you serve someone's shake
It determines where you stand,
And if you won't uphold your side then it's better to
blend for yourself
blend for yourself
blend for yourself
blend the milkshake,
Someone's gotta serve.
The Resist Stance - Resist Pants! (by frod79)
Jeans wrapping 'round your waist you claim that they tore
when you turned around and caught them on
a nail sticking out the front door
it's those pants that you had back since '94
you can't squeeze in them no more
its the sound of a rip, your zipper can't quite zip
your belt cannot RESIST PANTS and your fat-producing hips
They tore right below your balls, why do you have the gall
to suggest that your old pants still fit.... yeah!
She's the clubbing type; likes to drink, have a ball
When she brings that extra milkshake like massage recliners at the mall
never paying mind to muffin tops that ride, as they sway from side to side
its the sound of a rip, reinforced cement
won't help her to RESIST PANTS with those child-bearing hips
because taking off those tights will give those big destructive thighs some much needed ox-y-gen. Go!
its the sound of a rip, your zipper can't quite zip
your belt cannot RESISTS PANTS and your denim-tearing hips
And the stretchy pants you buy may most likely be the pliable alternative
Take no chance, buy some sweat pants!
Take no chance, buy some sweat pants!
Take no chance, buy some sweat pants!
Take no chance, buy some sweat.... pants!
Tiny Voices - Tiny Venues (by Graffinius)
(an ode to the Echo show, Los Angeles 1/23/13)
The day has come where tickets go on sale for the BR Show
Man I hope that I get one.
We sit, prepared as the wall clock read 9:59
And wait for 10 to come upon us.
And from somewhere in the back of my mind it comes to me
Oh, How awesome It’ll be to see BR in a few weeks
The clock strikes Ten, I click refresh, with credit card in hand
I click submit, review the screen. “Wait, I don’t understand…”
Tiny Venues! The Echo in Los Angeles is just one of those places where there is no way
Tiny Venues! Sold out in seconds, you’ll be crying in the shotbox nearly all damn day
I guess you’ll have to wait to see BR another day
The few luck people who managed to score tickets
Are filled with happiness. And some of them they wonder
“Maybe they’ll play Sorrow if we’re lucky!”, or “Infected would be nice”
“I hear their bassist is a doctor.”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whhhyyy oh whyyyyyy
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhh
And from somewhere in the back of my mind it comes to me
If I’d only been 2 milliseconds earlier, or three
I’d be going to the sold out show in just a couple weeks
And the strangest thing about it is it wasn’t meant to be
Tiny Venues! The Echo in Los Angeles is just one of those places where there is no way
Tiny Venues! Sold out in seconds, you’ll be crying in the shotbox nearly all damn day
I guess you’ll have to wait to see BR another day
Tomorrow - Tomorrow (by Warstub)
Everyday his questions are,
Leaning towards the bass unknowns,
Asking how it will sound tomorrow.
Aim for sounds he knows so well
Treble frequencies that cut right through
Yesterday's sound waves and tomorrows
It's the way he says it's gotta be,
Stay awake and forge a new repair
Is it an earthing wire?
Or is it a pick-up?
Make a solder repair so others can hear.
Try at night to stay awake,
Try to build a master bass,
One that will make a better sound tomorrow.
It's the way he says it's gotta be,
"I pull out my bass to play it sweet,
It used to be in the closet collecting dust off the wall,
I'm doing everything to stop this rancid score..."
Everyday he wants to know
Answers to the bass unknowns.
True North - New Shorts! (by darkjon64)
Underwhelmed and overdressed,
Got a gift certificate for Sport Chek at the mall,
No more suits or fancy vests,
Spend it all on sports gear; gym socks and basketballs...
The activewear section was exceptional to me,
Elasticated waistbands gave me flexibility!
I've just seen the practicality,
Of pant legs ending just above my knees,
My boss and spouse wouldn't care for these,
But maybe I'll feel comfy playing sports,
When I buy new shorts!
Reforming how I bend,
Knee's where my pant leg ends!
Stretching when I'm at my desk,
Everybody tells me I should just go back to pants,
All complaining how I dress,
Yet they all keep staring and admiring my finesse.
Underwear'd be underdressed, with that I would agree.
These shorts were meant for everywhere, mean everything to me!
I can see the practicality,
Of pant legs ending just above my knees,
When both my shins feel a cool soft breeze,
No changing at the gym or tennis courts,
When I buy new shorts!
Reforming how I bend,
Knee's where my pant leg ends,
When I buy new shorts!
True North - True Nerds (by susu.exp)
Dataframe enthusiast
look at that reading it is right off the scale
we´ve got something to discuss
and it´s gonna involve lots of technical details
Can we safely drop those nasty second order terms
Or will our model stop to mirror that which is observed
We´re enticed by rationality
everything is subject to our inquiry
we´re never gonna sate our curiosity
our ignorance´s both blessing and a curse
because we are true Nerds
trying to understand
keep searching till the end
Gotta do a Chi² test
open up your console, we gotta shift some code
contemplate the randomness
and let´s give the MCMC a go
Can we improve this place with the data that we gather
Do we look like engineers? Applications don´t matter
True North - True North is Out (by AnarchoDude)
The world's a mess; a fact no one can doubt
Punk rock is dead is what the black graffiti said
But True North is out
Strewn about the record stores of Earth are classic albums by Bad Religion
Against the Grain is exalted, Suffer is respected
So is No Control as a trilogy
But trash piles high, Katy Perry and the like
The charts are loaded up with the major label reich
And True North is out
A better album won't come out all year
Oh the punk and fans did shout
True North is out
Who can say what constitutes the greatest song on Bad Religion's latest album?
The title track, Mister Brett said gave him gratification
And Past is Dead's got some great harmonies
I'd like to say Dept of False Hope but I can't
Dharma's Bomb is too great to make that stand
Oh, True North is out
Schizophrenia's what one song's about
Oh there is no fucking doubt True North is out
The next BR album is just lying in wait
Or maybe they'll break up and Graffin's life will be a milkshake
True North is out
I'm running out of rhymes for instance "gout"
This band it still has clout True North is out
Wrong Way Kids - 'Ask Jay' Threads (by frod79)
Post BR questions on 'Ask Jay'
On blank form field, type them up, post them on the BR Page
The Ask Jay Threeads can give someone the bends
Navigating bad jokes with no end
"When will Bad Religion take my advice?"
"What does Hetson drink when he is out of Sprite?"
"Can I, Graffinius, get Jay's red dress
That he wore one night way back when?"
'It's long gone,my friend', Jay replies again
Theyre called the Ask Jay threeeeeads
Singin'
whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh ohhh (x3)
And we call them the Ask Jay threads
The webz today in disarray
DyingScene's run amok
They're posting information that's only hearsay, "What the fuck!?"
A news item reports the new record's out this fall
Ponderers and know-it-alls
"Can you play my favorite song tonight?"
"Do you think that Brian's into Deicide?"
"Can you remember next time to ask him, will Dag Nasty play again?"
"Has Brett co-written... 'No Control' again?"
There go the Ask Jay threeeeeads
Singin'
whoa oh whoa oh whoa oh ohhh (x3)
And we called them the Ask Jay threads
You've Got A Chance - I've Got No Pants (by darkjon64)
Look out for me! A flasher in disguise
I'm waiting in the mall
For unsuspecting eyes
The people mind their business
Behind the cashier lines
Sitting here and waiting
They'll sure get a surprise
I've got no pants on or underwear today
Open my trenchcoat and people run away
Run down the street and maybe do a belly dance
You might get a glance
I've got no pants
Run onto the football field, now I am on TV,
I try to give America a better look on me
All my neighbors and my friends,
They don't discriminate
Only the police care if you're running down the interstate
I've got no pants on or underwear today
Open my trenchcoat and people run away
Run down the street and maybe do a belly dance
You might get a glance
I've got no pants
I'm tired of being in trouble
And put in prison
I want to flash again
They've got the right intentions
I've had too much to drink
I've got a moon appointment,
Over at the ice rink
I'm walking in the stratosphere
Pants are on the floor
If pants are such an extra burden
Why wear them anymore?
I've got no pants on or underwear today
Open my trenchcoat and people run away
Run down the street and maybe do a belly dance
You might get a glance
I've got no pants
I've got no pants
I feel freer every day
Open my trenchcoat you see from far away
Don't you believe being naked is ok?
You might get a glance
I've got no pants...
You've Got a Chance - You've Got a Chance (by dv802)
A rhapsody, stashed my weed away in disguise, got out my pipe and fire, but am fearful of watchful eyes. If the people would stand united, and no one juices it this time, then I might be inclined to pass the joint off to the right hand side.
You’ve got a chance to hit this joint today, just call in sick to work and make it down this way.
Wow this weed is good I can’t seem to find my pants, I’m off on another stoned rant, because I took a chance.
Harvested the crop and picked it, now it’s nice and sticky, it’s spiked to give the miserable a few minutes of clarity. Hate the cops, cheat your boss, they love to discriminate. Damn it I’m out of rollies and now I have to smoke a bong from a pop can I made.
You’ve got a chance to hit this joint today, we’re all friends here I don’t expect you at all to pay.
Man this weeds insane I just called my girl friend the wrong name. Despite a minor change in address,
I’ve still got a chance.
I’m tired of all this shake here, seeds and stems cause irritation.
I want to smoke myself insane.
You’ve got the right intentions, but man this shit stinks, I’ve got a noon appointment, but I’m so high I’m seeing Lemmywinks. You said you could handle your shit but your curled up on the floor, I can’t exactly pass you the bong because you don’t look like you can handle any more.
You’ve got a Chance to be responsible today, smoke after five and don’t bring any bad vibes my way.
What good are friends if they don’t bring any snacks, I’m thinking of ribs and could eat a whole rack, do I stand a chance.
| 09/20 | Added info about contest - By Marty |
| 09/02 | Corrected formatting - By Marty |
| 08/30 | Added over 40 parodies from the forum - By Marty |
| 03/08 | Added Do What You Want - By Marty |